Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Ranch Dressing


Ranch goes on everything. Don't lie, before you were Paleo, and probably a couple times after, ranch was a go to. The best thing ever. You used to much. It's ok, no judgement here. There are many out there like you. Victims. Defenseless...
Wow, I've been watching WAY too much Law and Order SVU. It's on Hulu, and there are 15 seasons. I'm on season nine. And I'm not stopping. I just want you all to know, I just deleted some Miley Cyrus lyrics. You're welcome.

My husband, Matt, and Gas Helper are major ranch fans. It's a family joke, the time that Gas Helper took it all before the container made it to Matt. Words were said. Their friendship has never been the same. Kidding.

So, I made some. Yep, Paleo Ranch Dressing. There's not much else to say. Its delicious. 

1.5 cups Grama's Mayo (or, 1 eggs worth, just adjust the coconut milk proportionately)
3/4 cup canned coconut milk
1 tbs + 1 tsp dried dill
1 tsp garlic granules (or 2 cloves)
1.5 tsp apple cider vinegar
1.5 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp salt

Go ahead and make the mayo if you don't have it in the fridge already, and just leave it in the blender. Add the rest of the ingredients and blend until smooth. The mayo is definitely the hardest part. Enjoy!

Monday, February 17, 2014

Stir Fry

I wasn't a big fan of cauliflower before this...

Growing up, we ate a lot of rice. After living in Japan for a few years, my mom knew good rice and lots of amazing Japanese food. Basically, we had rice with protein a lot. Chicken and rice. ALL. THE. TIME. I haven't had it since I left home; not mom's version anyway. 
So, I do miss rice. And I still eat it occasionally as a treat. I think it's more nostalgic than something I love the taste of. I kept hearing about cauliflower rice, and a friend of mine made some that looked amazing, so I decided to give it a try. My husband still prefers rice. Sorry folks, apparently this isn't THAT great, but a decent substitute anyway, especially covered in veggies and meat. Then again, name something that ISN'T great covered in those thing. Ok ok, we can all name several things. Gosh people, it was joke. 

1 head cauliflower, riced (explanation below)
1 head broccoli (about 1.5 cups) steamed
1 cup carrots, chopped and steamed (or shredded and added to the pan at the end)
1 cup snow peas, steamed
1 lb steak, pre-cooked (grilled rare) and thinly sliced
2 tbs avocado oil
2 tbs coconut aminos
1 tbs sesame oil

Start by pre-heating the oven to 400° and ricing the cauliflower. I used the grating attachment on my food processor. You could also grate it by hand with a cheese grater. Easy. Once it is finely grated, spread it evenly on a cookie sheet (I highly suggest covering the sheet in foil first, easy clean up). Bake at 400° for 20 min, or until it starts to brown. You do have to check it. Alternatively, you could rice it and fry it in a skillet, but I like it to be a little crispy.
Ok, while that is baking, put everything else in a skillet. Everything. Yup. All your veggies should be steamed, and your steak pre-cooked, so you're really just warming it up and mixing all the flavors and oils. So, leave yourself a solid 10 min to do this.
Then, serve skillet contents over the rice.
Wow, these directions are epically bad, and I'm not even sure what to do about it. Sorry. I'm open to suggestions, which may be a terrible choice, but whatever. Bring. It. On.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


Because there is no such thing as eating too much pork.

Well, in my opinion anyway, pork is amazing. It's delicious, healthy, easy to cook, versatile...the list goes on and on. I buy plain ground pork and add my own spices. It's like $4-something a pound for local ground pork, putting it at half the price of local sugar free bacon. Not that it's a bacon substitute, don't be crazy. But it's a good alternative when you're on a budget and eat as much protein as we do. 
The best thing about this chorizo recipe is that it's not too spicy, so anyone will eat it, and it makes your house smell like cinnamon. Yep. Awesome. 
Ha, funny story, so I just saw that my computer doesn't like the word 'chorizo' and wants to correct it, which gave me a little deja-vu, because my computer dislikes 'chipotle' equally as much. Then I panicked, and thought "Uh oh, did I already do a post on this chorizo?!" I didn't, we're good. Moving on. 
Now, when I buy chorizo it's usually in a casing, as a sausage. Which is fine, but I'm not doing that myself. So i just left this as ground pork, and have been cooking it up, putting it with boiled eggs and yams, and eating it. Fast. Cause it's delicious. I use a spoon, even though that is not as efficient as using my hands. 
My husband and I had a conversation the other day about how I wouldn't use a fork for salad if it was more socially acceptable to use my hands. I get annoyed when my fork wont pick up enough lettuce. He keeps catching me using my hands to eat salad out of a mixing bowl, laughs at me, and then goes back to whatever he was doing. Greatest husband ever.

1 lb ground pork (you could also use turkey or something if pork isn't an acceptable protein)
2 Tbs paprika
1 Tbs cumin
1 Tbs garlic granules
1 tsp salt
1 tsp coriander
2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp cayenne
1/4 tsp cinnamon

My obsession for about a week: chorizo, boiled eggs, yams
fried in bacon fat, and my green dressing (Grama's Mayo ,
spinach, cilantro, and whatever else tastes good). Try it. Really. 
Mix all the spices together. I used a mortar and pestle, because it was handy. Helpful hint, coffee grinders make excellent spice mills. 
Once the spices are well combined, mix them into the pork using your hands, and knead until everything is well combined. 
I suggest waiting overnight to cook this, and let the spices sit on the pork, just to impart the most flavor possible. This will keep for at least a week in the fridge, uncooked. I just put it in a tupperware and scoop out however much I want to cook for that meal. 


Monday, December 2, 2013

Chipotle Sauce...on accident

Against All Grain has some great recipes, one of which being her Chipotle Barbacoa. I make it often, tweaking it as I go, per my usual. It's mostly because I'm a little lazy and unorganized, and therefore never have ALL the ingredients needed to make anything. But you adapt. Honey? Nope, I have maple syrup. Banana for sweetness? Nah, just soak some dates in water till they're mushy. Chipotle peppers? How about some chipotle powder, and extra tomato sauce? Perfect! So, anyway, check out AAG's Barbacoa Tacos , because it's amazing (with Mom's Cabbage Salsa and PaleOMG's Coconut Flour Tortillas ). 
Now, for AAG's barbacoa, I just put everything for the sauce in the Vitamix, and then poured it over the meat in the that what she says to do? I should check. Yep, she says to do that, and crockpot for 7 hours. I did that. I follow instructions! So, when that was done, I shredded the meat, and kept it separate. Now it's your turn to follow directions.

Against All Grain's Barbacoa Sauce
1 can tomato sauce
2 tbs Chipotle powder

Take the sauce that the meat has been cooking it from the crockpot to your blender or food processor. Add your extra tomato sauce and chipotle powder (less if you don't want it quite as spicy or chipotle-y). Blend. Add water as needed until you reach the desired consistency. 

This is probably the worst "recipe" post of all time. I'm just going to stop now. That, and my keyboard is having a mental breakdown.
This was our contribution to "Field and Stream" night at a friends house.
The sauce is great on eggs. 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Super Duper Energy Bites; aka PR Nuggets

Or in other words, I need more carbs first thing in the morning

So I've been struggling a bit lately with my energy levels in morning WODs. I'm sorry, but I just can't get up at 6:30, eat, and be pushing my body at 7:30. Well, I could, but I'm thinking it wouldn't go well. I'm a champ at eating around 10 am...large amounts of bacon may or may not be involved. So my solution? These larabar-like energy bites. They are crazy easy to make, only 3 ingredients, and husband approved. Not Chuck approved. He doesn't like dates. Fool. He ate half of mine today as a taste-tester (Kat, please get home soon), and then proceeded to blame himself for my lack of a deadlift PR, due to decreased energy levels. Win! Next time, I'm eating all my energy bites, PRing, and then I'll probably do a dance. It'll be awesome. Sorry for anyone who is there when this's what you get for being friends with me. Or workout buddies. Or heck, even a stranger. 

Delicious little PR nuggets. Wait...THAT is what
we should call them!!! Changing the title now...
1 cup almonds (you could use whole, raw, roasted...whatever. I used blanched and slivered, cause they were cheap in bulk)
1 cup pitted dates (again, whatever is cheap in bulk)
1 cup dried unsweetened cherries

Add all ingredients to your food processor. Make sure the dates are pitted, or this could go very badly. Pulse several times until things start to break down into crumb size. You may need to break it up occasionally with a spatula, as the dates get pretty sticky.
Once they are crumb size, go ahead and process them on high for about a minutes until everything is broken down pretty well. 
Empty the contents of your food processor onto a sheet of parchment paper, and press together into a ball using your hands. Then start to flatten it out until you get it to desired thickness. Place in the refrigerator for a minimum of an hour. Then, cut into desired size (and shape) and consume! Yay!
You could totally use a cookie cutter and make them kid-fun. And by kid-fun, I mean me-fun. Who doesn't like food in fun shapes? Why do I come up with all these genius ideas after the fact? 
Keep your PR Nuggets (yep, it's now a thing) in the fridge, so they don't get mushy. Enjoy!


Monday, November 11, 2013

I miss waffles least I used to. 

I have been on the quest for nearly a year now for the perfect Paleo waffle or pancake. Finally, my journey has come to an end. For the most part. I reserve the right to find a better waffle.

I'm actually a little obsessed with this waffle, as is can clearly see this if you look at our Instagram. 5 waffle pictures in the past 10 weeks (I just checked), which means it is probably closer to 10 times that we've made these. You really can't blame us, they are amazing. And there is no limit to what you can put on them: butter, ghee, syrup, honey, almond butter, blackberries, strawberries...need I go on?

So, we found this recipe on another site, called Real Sustenance. I'll be completely honest...I've not looked through ANY of her other recipes. I should probably do that. So, this recipe isn't ours, but we've tweaked it a little bit to work better for us. So, here is our (only slightly altered) version:
A girls weekend sugar extravaganza! So worth it....sooooo worth it. 
Also, today is Veteran's Day, so big loves out to all my family and friends who are (and have been) amazing enough to serve in our military. My dad, 3 cousins (kind of, we adopt people, and they marry in, so we claim them), coach, and several workout buddies. You guys are incredible and I'm super proud to call you mine (yep, you're ALL stuck with me, hehehe). 

1 packed cup almond flour
1/2 cup tapioca starch (we have also used arrowroot powder and potato starch, due to laziness and not wanting to drive to the store for something we didn't have in the house. You just need a thickener)
2 tsp baking powder
1 large egg
pinch of salt
1/2 cups non-dairy milk (our go-to is almond milk)
1/4 cup light olive oil OR coconut oil (melted)
1 tsp apple cider vinegar

(If you look at the original recipe on Real Sustenance, the main thing we've eliminated is the granulated sugar, as we are constantly trying to limit sugars in our everyday eating. In our opinion, depending on your goals, this recipe should definitely be treated as a treat. A deliciously amazing treat. I clearly need to work on that concept.)

Combine all the ingredients into your mixer (or use a hand-held blender...or fork...just mix it all together), and it creates a fairly thick batter. Pour into your waffle maker and there you have it, WAFFLES! Eat them. Eat them all.
Oh, and if you don't have almond milk, use water, and just add an extra 2 tsp of whatever thickener you use (tapioca, arrowroot, whatever). 


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Apple Porridge

Because we STILL have apples

That, and porridge is awesome. Growing up, mom used to make us eat oatmeal before big exams at school. I don't remember the exams, but I remember the oatmeal. As much as I hated it then, now it's comforting to have something warm on a cold morning. Thank goodness I don't have any more exams. With that, here's your recipe today. Sorry for the short intro...I've got laundry to do.

Porridge!! And pecans!! I love pecans...

4 medium apples, peeled, cored, and chopped
2/3 cup water
1 can coconut milk
3/4 cup almond flour
1/4 cup flax meal
3 Tbs almond butter
1/8 tsp nutmeg (could use cinnamon)
1 egg
Chopped pecans (optional)

Put your apples and water in a pot and cook down for about 15 minutes, on medium high heat, stirring occasionally. When they've softened, blend them until smooth. Put them back in the pot with the rest of your ingredients, and cook on medium low heat, stirring until everything is combined. Boom, that's porridge. Top with the pecans if you'd like.
Now, personally, this was a little too coconutty for me. Next time, I think I'll use almond milk. It'll be thinner, but I think I'd like that taste better. Also, if you'd like it sweeter, add some maple syrup (it goes great with pecan). Oh, and you could top it with berries. Or sub ripe bananas for the apples. Really, put fruit and stuff in a pot and cook till its mushy. I almost made a Goldilocks reference, but held back. You're welcome.